What I Know About Punk

one: I worked in the East Village, in a video store on St. Marks, for a little over a year. Of course, this was in 2005, which means that East Village was more punk-themed than actually punk. Still, I think that there were enough skinny, crusty-looking guys wandering around in a daze to at least get a little of the how-it-used-to-be flavor. Also, since I worked at a place where I was the one... literally, the only... employee not in a band, I feel that gained enough musical experience just through osmosis to qualify me to be, at minimum, the bass player for The Cramps.

two: Girlfriend and I watched Sid and Nancy last night. I'd thought I had seen it already, but it turns out I was thinking of Milo and Otis. It was good; Gary Oldman and Chloe Webb were both clearly having a blast with their characters and it did a nice job of evoking the scummy, drug-sick vibe of that particular moment in time. Oh, and it was nice to see Courtney Love before she had all the work done.

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four: These are the punk bands that I can name off the top of my head. No Googling here, yo... The Cramps, The Dead Milkmen, The Stooges, Richard Hell and The Voidoids, The Sex Pistols, The Clash, The Talking Heads (sorta), The New York Dolls, Stiff Little Fingers, The Ramones, The Pogues, G.G. Allin, and The Plasmatics.

five: Though I've always been fascinated by the whole concept of punk and the assorted devious behaviors that surround it, I know in my heart that I am about as far away from punk rock as you can possibly get without joining a Baptist choir. For one thing, you don't see a lot of chubby dudes on the punk scene. It's all skinny, greasy jeans, ripped clothes and pale, sickly skin. While I've got the paleness down (staying out of the sun is a specialty of mine), and I've certainly got my fair share of ripped-up clothing, I'm way too in love with burritos and cheeseburgers to ever attempt an entrance into the world of punk. Also, being a punk these days is just silly. While I admire the dedication and effort it takes to get up every morning and work your hair into a series of two-foot spikes, it's still a bit like walking around town wearing a top hat or dressing, always, like a circus clown. I do, however, have a world-class sneer and nothing can take that away from me.

six: The music is just okay. But the music was always secondary, right?