Tuesday, April 25, 2006

True Facts

First things first, I'd like extend heaping handfuls of praise to a young swain who goes by the name of Braden. Yesterday, he bravely and selflessly saved a young child from a burning building, taught a blind man to dance, started a fashion craze with his unique way of wearing a belt, cured acne with his homemade unguents and gave this site a gratuitious and appreciated plug on his own far superior, far better-smelling, far less-hung-up-on-John-Mayer-bashing website. If you haven't read it already, you really should go to it at your earliest convienance and drink deeply of its funny:


If you don't, well, then you're a communist. I'm sorry, but I don't make the rules.
Now... I'm hoping that with the plug will come an influx of new and exciting readers; smart people that dress all cool and can get me into parties where I might meet some really famous or at least attractive people. Should that be the case, I'd like for those with fresh eyes for my words and limited knowledge of my person to get to know the real "me" of myself. I don't want to be just a collection of snarky comments floating in cyberspace. No, no... I want to be your friend. Your friend that you take to fabulous parties.
So, to that end, I have whipped up a fact sheet for you; some triva and minutia about myself to aide you in this courtship; to direct your ship of mutual interest down the channel of intimacy and into the safe harbor of everlasting comraderie. Or something. I've had a lot of coffee this morning.


Fact: Originally from Texas, I now reside in New York City. What can I say, there was a burning desire in my heart to be in place where, no matter what time of day it is, in rain or shine, during heatwaves and cold snaps, I can get a hot dog from a cart on the street, served by a man who comes from a country where "sanitary food handling" more or less means "not directly shitting on your food." Also, I like the theater and New York certaintly has a lot of it that I can't afford.

Fact: I have a love for ridiculously unhealthy food, strong drink, and a girl named Emily, though not in that order. I'm taking measures to cut back on the first and second of that list because the third one there is becoming increasingly more important to me. Also, I've realized that dying at 40 from a coronary thrombosis probably isn't as fun as it sounds.

Fact: Movie junkie? Yes, sir and/or ma'am! I went to film school and learned all kinds of fancy things about movies... I can wax eloquent on the craft of directing, the art of cinematography and the inherent skill that makes editing so important the process of creating a cinematic masterpiece. One of my favorite movies is Die Hard.

Fact: I have been called, on occasion, a music snob. This gets said a lot when I mention that I have done time behind the counter of the occasional record store, though I like to think that I'm fairly tolorent of other people's tastes as long as they are fully aware that mine is much, much more sophisticated and that they enjoy listening to the sonic equivilent of anal leakage. Oh but I kid. I bet that you... you who are reading this right now... have impeccible taste. We should trade mix CDs with handwritten liner notes. I'll call you.

Fact: I love baseball, though that wasn't always the case. I used to find it dull and only slightly preferable to a long, slow death by strangulation. Then my father's genes kicked in and I, almost overnight, began to look at the game with a child-like wonder and an insatiable thirst for it's many varied intricasies. This happend, coincidentally, right around the time I discovered beer.
Well, I do believe that's enough for now. Getting a bit long-winded and, frankly, I was bored by the sound of my own voice paragraphs ago. More facts will come, surely, and other stuff too. Some of it might, MIGHT, be interesting. I make no promises, though.
And remember... I love you.


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